ReelzChannel: Top 10 Tarantino Character Types (Page 2)

Top 10 Tarantino Character Types (Page 2)

By Jeff Muskus

5. Lady Feet

Tarantino tends to focus his famous foot fetish on the women he wishes to imbue with mystique. The actresses who generally get long shots of their nimble toes are the ones whose characters dominate the conversation and wrap men around their pinkies. They do too many drugs, but there’s a clear line between them and Tarantino’s junkies: They can dance.

Seriously, though, feet are gross.

So who fits the bill?

Women’s legs and feet actually don’t fare too well in the latter half of Inglourious Basterds, but Nazi film star Bridget von Hammersmark (Diane Kruger) has most of the seduction duties, so she’s the camera’s likeliest target. Regrettably, Kruger used to be a ballet dancer and fashion model, but we’re sure Tarantino will try to make the best of a tough situation.

4. Shiva, Goddess of Destruction

While Lady Feet tends to be somewhat delicate, Shiva, Goddess of Destruction, is not. She’s a one-woman Team Knight Rider, able to take out dozens of ninjas or a pack or several mini-bosses one at a time, depending on what the soundtrack suggests. Shiva, Goddess of Destruction is a survivor, and she’s better at surviving than you. Either give her what she wants or start running. Yes, that’s it, run while pinwheeling your arms in a comical fashion. That’s aerodynamic; you’ll go faster.

Her palm will explode your heart. Start running, idiot! Wait, she hit you already? Stop run — dammit.

So who fits the bill?

Shosanna Dreyfus (Mélanie Laurent) doesn’t have the training of Beatrix Kiddo or the savage bloodlust of Zoe Bell (uhh ... Zoe Bell?), but she’s got good survival instincts and she can handle explosives. She’s also an amateur filmmaker in her own right, though her stuff might be a little too Dadaist even for Germany.

3. The Prodigal Son

Tarantino characters often return home to find their old lives changed or gone. They’ve spent so much time overseas analyzing the differences between McDonald’s locations in various Europeans nations that they haven’t matured with their onetime friends and colleagues. Given the disconnect, they might as well go back to shooting people.

Listen, shut up about divine intervention for a second. I’m gonna get some more bacon, and then let me tell you what they put on fries in Holland.

So who fits the bill?

Two of the Basterds, Wilhelm Wicki (Gedeon Burkhard) and Hugo Stiglitz (Til Schweiger), are German by birth. Wicki is a Jewish expat who fled to America and then turned right around to start scalping his former pursuers. Stiglitz didn’t bother leaving the country to start his killing spree, but he makes up for his lack of worldliness in sheer body count. Sure, Vincent Vega was a badass, but he never escaped from a prison convoy and took out 13 Gestapo officers.

2. The Sadist

Arguably the most memorable character in a typical Tarantino movie, The Sadist is just psyched that he or she is going to torture you. There are a few options: murder, immolation, yelling into your severed ear. That last part’s kind of funny, actually, but it’s still torture. The Sadist often has poisonous snakes and/or surprisingly good taste in music.

If any of The Sadists is holding a weapon or grinning a little to widely do not, for any reason, allow them to turn on a stereo.

So who fits the bill?

The part of Donny Donowitz, a vicious bat-swinging Bostonian nicknamed “The Bear Jew,” was originally meant for Adam Sandler. But we can all agree that the next logical choice was Eli Roth, the director of such family comedies as Hostel, Cabin Fever, and Hostel II: The True Meaning of Christmas. To his credit, Roth transcends his bland homespun image; the anachronistic use of Stealers Wheel wouldn’t have felt out of place in the scene where he beats a Nazi to a bloody pulp.

1. The Converted

The Converted tends to be the most fun because he or she offers a little of everything. The Converted talks pop culture as well as any of the stock characters, has a touch of professionalism, and a flair for the sadistic, but also has some lessons to teach and, we assume, nice feet. The lessons usually come courtesy of a revelation in his or her own life that The Converted feels obliged to try and share, or at least explain. The Converted wants to ride off into the sunset but may be happy to part with the wallet that says “Bad Motherf**ker.”

He’s trying real hard to be the shepherd.

So who fits the bill?

The Converted typically has mixed feelings about being so damn good at his or her job. Hans Landa, a.k.a. “The Jew Hunter,” fits that bill. A detective at heart, he isn’t quite as selfless as Jules Winnfield, and his arc falls a little short of conversion, but the role’s nuance helped win Christoph Waltz the award for Best Actor at Cannes this year. Of course, that could also just be because he's awesome at smoking.

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ar910

08/16/09 11:29 PM

Shiva is MALE. Not a goddess you retard!

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