It’s the time of year when the best and worst lists are everywhere you look. Not to be outdone, ReelzChannel.com's staff writers, Thomas Leupp and Heather Huntington, have provided some of their own superlatives for this past movie-going season. Be sure to stay tuned next week for Part 2 when ReelzChannel.com's John Halecky and Jeff Otto weigh in with their picks.
Thomas Leupp's picks of '06
Best Chick Flick -- Rocky Balboa
In his latest attempt to recapture the artistic street cred he squandered long ago, Sylvester Stallone decided to drain the fabled Rocky franchise of all of its testosterone. The plot of Rocky Balboa is filled with elements more suitable for a Lifetime movie: Rocky misses his wife, Rocky can't connect emotionally with his son, Rocky befriends a single mom, Rocky rescues a dog from an animal shelter, etc. We're forced to wait almost two hours before the first training montage begins, and that's simply intolerable. (That said, it's still better than Rocky V.)
Best Animated Film Not Featuring Talking Animals --Renaissance
Who knew that black and white animation could be so riveting? Unfortunately, most Americans never got a chance to glimpse French filmmaker Christian Volckman's visual masterpiece Renaissance, as the film opened in only a handful of theaters here last September. The story - a futuristic thriller in the vein of Phillip K. Dick - isn't anything revolutionary, but the animation is extraordinary. Of course, don't expect Renaissance to be on the Academy's list when the nominees for Best Animated Feature are announced. If only it had been made by Pixar...
Biggest Disappointment -- Superman Returns
Bryan Singer's update of the fabled franchise wouldn't have earned this distinction were it not for the Richard Donner cut of Superman II released in November. I never had high expectations for Superman; aside from Lex Luthor, the franchise lacks the array of colorful villains enjoyed by its DC Comics counterpart Batman. And there are only so many storylines you can explore with a main character who's basically invulnerable. But Donner's cut raised the bar by showing what a Superman film could be (plus, it featured a post-coital Lois Lane wearing the Man of Steel's suit). In comparison, Superman Returns, despite all of its dazzling CG effects sequences, looks quite unexceptional.
Most Excruciating -- The Last Kiss
Nothing irks me more than a movie that strives to define a generation, as The Last Kiss so blatantly and self-consciously attempted to do. Zach Braff, with his Ray Romano voice and that look of perpetual discomfort, floats through the film uttering platitudes about love and fidelity, and it's all supposed to add up to some grand statement about the state of relationships in the 21st century. Ugh. Hostel was less torturous.
Scene Most Likely to Induce Uncontrollable Vomiting
This one's a tie:
Apocalypto -- "Man Gets Face Ripped Off by Jaguar"
Violence-obsessed Mel Gibson really outdid himself with this one. It's not just the visuals, but the vivid audio of crunching bones and tearing flesh that really sets this scene apart.
Letters from Iwo Jima -- "Suicide by Grenade"
In perhaps the most harrowing sequence of any movie from last year, Japanese soldiers choose to kill themselves rather than surrender to the Americans. The usual tools of the trade - swords and guns - are eschewed in favor of a far grislier one, as each man blows himself up, one by one.
Heather Huntington's Picks of '06
Best Name -- The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green
The title of this movie is amusing in and of itself, but for me it had added humor in the fact that my friends, the Greens, named their baby Ethan. And I'm pretty sure they weren't delighted to discover there was a movie named after him about a gay twenty-something slutting around in his search for the perfect man.
Most Misleading Name -- The Last King of Scotland
Boy do I bet all those people who thought they were going to see Macbeth were mad when they found themselves watching a movie about a Ugandan dictator. Whoops.
Most Misleading Trailer -- The Oh in Ohio
When I saw the trailer for this I thought it looked like a funny, witty, fantastic little flick with indie princess Parker Posey and a rumply-cute Paul Rudd. All I can say is those trailer people are wizards because this was easily one of the worst, weirdest, and most unfunny movies I saw all year.
Most Disappointing Book Adaptation -- Running With Scissors
I'm a huge sucker for "my life was so horrible" memoirs, and Augusten Burroughs is the undisputed king of them (or queen, as the case may be). I worship at his throne and reel in horror at every juicy, shocking word he writes. So you can imagine I was virtually salivating when I heard that they were making Running With Scissors into a movie. Unfortunately, the screenwriter seems to suffer from a similar case of Burroughs-worship, to the point that he was unable to extract the meat of the story and shape it into a movie. Instead, he just threw in every single detail he could from the book, without real thought to whether or not it actually works on film. How you can make getting given away by your mother to her poo-interpreting psychiatrist boring is beyond me, but they manage it. Great performances, but severely disappointing script.
Most Horrifying -- Eight Below
All I have to say is why anyone thinks that a movie about having to leave dogs to potentially die in the wilderness of Antarctica is good clean family fare should be shot. I'm sure what with it's being Disney-fied and all that the doggies all have a happy ending (I've never seen it, and absolutely nothing will change that). But even the thought of leaving those dogs behind actually had me screaming in the movie theater "What is wrong with them? Why would they do this?" (of the filmmakers). Those horrible, horrible people.
Most Likely to Induce Uncontrollable Weeping -- Miss Potter
Okay, I may be prone to tears during movies. Perhaps, in a less proud moment, I may have even cried during The Mirror Has Two Faces. But still, there are grades of movie weeping, and Miss Potter gets an A+. Don't let all the cute, fresh-faced Victorian bunnies fool you--prolonged sobbing, snorfling, and general weepiness of both the happy and sad varieties are in store. I can't confirm or deny it, but there are reports of seeing me shed a tear while watching the trailer.