While boxing ranks high above the other sports in the pantheon of sports-themed flicks (Rocky, Raging Bull, Cinderella Man and Million Dollar Baby are just a few critically-acclaimed efforts), football arguably places second -- just above baseball -- if only because Kevin Costner hasn't made a football movie. Yet.
Though they experienced their heyday in the 1970s, with North Dallas Forty (1979), Heaven Can Wait (1978), The Longest Yard (1974) and Brian's Song (1971), football movies have enjoyed a nice renaissance over the last decade, thanks to fine offerings like Remember the Titans (2000), Friday Night Lights (2004) and Invincible (2006).
With Super Bowl XLI swiftly approaching, here's a quick salute to the best (and worst) marriages of football and film.
Most credible performance by an actor in a football role: Burt Reynolds, The Longest Yard
Reynolds was a talented halfback at Florida State before injuries cut his promising football career short and forced him to find a new line of work. The Longest Yard, with its convicts-as-players premise, was not only a good movie but a prescient one. (Just ask Tank Johnson or the Cincinnati Bengals.)
Honorable Mention: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Gridiron Gang
Least credible performance by an actor in a football role: Anthony Michael Hall, Johnny Be Good
Hall spent the 80's playing various iterations of "geek" in John Hughes movies before attempting to change his image with Johnny Be Good, in which he played a star high school quarterback. Yeah right -- I realize that not every quarterback looks like Donovan McNabb, but no amount of movie magic could make me believe that the short and scrawny Hall was a world-class football player.
Honorable Mentions: Adam Sandler, The Longest Yard remake; James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues
Best performance by a former NFL player in non-football role: Jim Brown, The Dirty Dozen
Brown's gritty performance as Robert Jefferson in the World War II classic helped pave the way for jocks crossing over into film - which can be a good or bad thing, depending on your point of view. (Ever see gymnastics champion Kurt Thomas in Gymkata?) What made Brown's effort even more impressive was that he wasn't just a football player, he was the greatest football player of all time.
Honorable Mentions: O.J. Simpson, The Naked Gun; John Matuszak, The Goonies
Worst performance by a former NFL player in non-football role: Brian Bosworth, Stone Cold
After washing out of the NFL, big-league bust Bosworth attempted to leverage his brash personality into an acting career with Stone Cold, in which he played an outlaw biker cop with a bitchin' mohawk/mullet hybrid. The Boz found Hollywood even less hospitable than the gridiron, however, as critics pounded him harder than Bo Jackson ever could.
Honorable Mentions: Howie Long, Broken Arrow; Brian Bosworth, Stone Cold II: Heart of Stone
Best Meathead Fantasy: Invincible
While Rudy has traditionally ruled this category, Mark Wahlberg's underdog flick Invincible overtook Sean Astin's movie last year. Watching a hobbit take the field for the Irish in Rudy was nice and all, but come on -- the guy endured years of abuse just to get in for one play at the end of a meaningless game? That's not inspiring; that's pathetic. Not only did Vince Papale, the subject of Invincible, make the Philadelphia Eagles roster, he was a starter on special teams for three years.
(Check out ReelzChannel.com's interview with Papale here)
Best "Behind the Scenes" Depiction of Pro Football: North Dallas Forty
North Dallas Forty, with its frank account of drug use and management manipulation, is far superior to Oliver Stone's bloated, overhyped Any Given Sunday. Sunday isn't without its moments -- the scene in which Jamie Foxx's character, quarterback Willie Beamen, cuts a rap video (featuring the line "My name is Willie Beamen/I keep the ladies creamin'"), is a classic.
Most Overrated Speech: Knute Rockne, All American, "Win one for the Gipper"
In this oft-quoted speech, Rockne essentially instructs his players to go out and win a game for some dead guy they never met. I'm not a jock by any means, but I find it difficult to understand how motivating this could possibly be.
The speech owes its popularity to Notre Dame alumni and Ronald Reagan fanatics -- two groups well-known for their fervor and delusion.
Most irritating catchphrase: Jerry Maguire, "Show Me the Money"
There are dozens of reasons to loath Jerry Maguire, but the demonic catchphrase "Show me the money" is by far the most obvious one. I couldn't venture into a sports bar for at least a year after the movie came out without hearing drunken meatheads shouting it at the top of their lungs. The irony - that Jerry Maguire is a huge chick flick - was apparently lost on them.
Technical awards, handed out in a ceremony earlier this week:
Best collection of current and former C-list talent: Necessary Roughness
Scott Bakula, Rob Schneider, Kathy Ireland and Sinbad, all in one movie.
Best usage of dessert topping: Varsity Blues
Ali Larter (from TV's "Heroes") sports a bikini made of whipped cream as she attempts to seduce that clown from Dawson's Creek.
Least necessary scene: Gratuitous penis shot, Any Given Sunday
Leave it to Oliver Stone to try to manufacture controversy with this bizarre contrivance.
Al Qaeda's favorite: Black Sunday
Terrorists hatch a plot to use the Goodyear Blimp as a weapon of mass destruction at the Super Bowl.
Biggest Tearjerker: Brian's Song
Sure, it was a TV movie, but this heartfelt salute to Brian Piccolo proved that it's okay for jocks to cry.
Got a favorite football flick? Email your picks to tleupp@reelzchannel.com.