As every Trekkie knows by now, actor Chris Pine is taking over for the legendary William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk in J.J. Abram's updated Star Trek, which comes out May 8, 2009. This iconic role would be a daunting task for anyone to undertake -- after all, we're talking about Bill Shatner here, a GOD to most geeks.
While there have been no reports of the two sharing notes or engaging in any kind of Vulcan mind-meld, it's not difficult to imagine the sage advice Shatner would give his young protégé. And since Trekkies want to see the young Pine grow into the mighty oak that is Shatner, we've scoured the web and put together this educational video montage along with what we believe the master would tell Pine.
Video Tip #1 - Creative Interpretation
Some may call it overacting, others an odd annoyance, but in my humble opinion, the key to a memorable performance is emphasis, epileptic-like facial contortions, and an almost fanatical utilization of the elongated pause. Watch and learn, ensign.
Video Tip #2 - Space Is a Great Place to Meet Girls
Don't be afraid of cross-species romance. The universe is full of horny alien women asking the same question, "What is this emotion you call... LOVE?" As Captain of the Enterprise, Starfleet's flagship, you have a lot of clout with the ladies -- leverage you can use to get some intergalactic action. If you play your cards right, you'll find that the big bang isn't just a theory. So, go for it. Just be wary of the green ones.
Video Tip #3 - Never Wear the Red Shirt!
Listen very carefully now. YOU always wear the yellow shirt. Spock and Bones wear the blue ones. It's important you don't forget this -- especially when going on an away mission. Whenever you leave the Enterprise, which you will because the Captain never stays with the ship, ALWAYS take along at least one crew member in a red shirt. They don't have names, but are easy to spot. Don't forget. I'm serious about this.
Video Tip #4 - Find Ways to Take Your Shirt Off -- A LOT
Even though you have the distinct privilege of sporting the yellow shirt, whenever you have a choice between shirts and skins, choose the latter. I made a point of going au natural as often as possible. You're young, show off those six-pack abs while you've got 'em. Order Uhura to shave you down and slap some oil on those rippling muscles. It's for the chicks. They dig it.
Video Tip #5 - Spock, Your Special Friend
From the first episode, Spock and I had a unique chemistry. While that Sylar guy who's playing the new Spock seems a little creepy to me, the success of J.J.'s new Star Trek depends on you two developing that special relationship. Here are a few scenes to help you get into the mood.
Video Tip #6 - Stay Up on the Latest Technologies
Star Trek has influenced new technologies since it first aired in the '60s, and as a sci-fi icon, you'll be expected to keep current with all kinds of newfangled inventions. Many of the things we take for granted today, like mobile phones for instance, have their origins in Star Trek. This means a lucrative secondary career endorsing high-tech products. Here's how it's done.
Video Tip #7 - Connect with the Kids
J.J. Abram's Star Trek movie is yet another attempt at updating something old to be new again. You, yourself, are a product of this effort -- a younger incarnation of myself. But while you're hot now, you must realize that today's star is tomorrow's reality television burnout. In order to stay fresh, you've gotta stay connected with the youth. I pride myself on keeping up-to-date on all the hip lingo.
Video Tip #8 - Do Your Own Stunts
Stand-ins and stuntmen are for pansies. If you really want to impress the ladies, do your own stunts. Here's a little gem I learned, the drop kick. I now pass it to you from one Captain Kirk to another.
Video Tip #9 - Don't Be Afraid to Sing
Everyone knows that musicals are coming back. Just ask Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. And if you can't actually sing, modern interpretation works just as well.
Video Tip #10 - Respect the Fanboys
Sci-fi fans will determine whether you succeed or fail as the new Kirk. Respect them. Nerds are the most loyal fanbase you could ask for. Attend the conventions. Yeah, they can get annoying, but in a pinch you can sell your soiled underwear for a small fortune.
Video Tip #11 - Give Props to Lucas
Star Trek or Star Wars? Nerds the world over have bloodied themselves battling with plastic light sabers over which franchise is greater. But no matter which one holds your allegiance, everyone agrees that George Lucas gets credit for bringing about the golden age of the sci-fi space movie. Be gracious and give the man his props, whenever asked.
Video Tip #12 - Be Yourself and Have Fun
When it comes right down to it, you can't REALLY be me. I'm one of a kind, so don't fret about it -- just do your best to have fun. And don't be afraid to cut loose a little either. If it isn't fun, it won't work.